saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
