Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
