I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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