You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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