You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize