Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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