My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
