I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
