exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
