i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
