my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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