sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
