Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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