I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
