Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
