I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
