Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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