What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
