i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
