i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize