the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
