Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
