My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize