Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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