I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
