I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize