When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
