I wish I could punch you in the face.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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