I bet he comes in French.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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