Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize