Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
