i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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