I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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