i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
