There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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