Got a toothbrush?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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