you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
