it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
