Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
