i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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