ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
