We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Let's paint friendship bongs
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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