Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
