who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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