I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
