hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize