i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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