what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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