my soul wont recognize me after tonight
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
