left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
