Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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