They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
