I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
