Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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