Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
they need to just BURY HIM!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
