it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
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