I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
