I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
