dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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