I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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