you traded sex for a burrito?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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