I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
as a side note pls kill me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
