I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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