We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
