You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
