when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
