I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That was an excessively violent trivia night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
