i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
