So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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