I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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