Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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