My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
